Finally going!

I never thought that this day would come so soon! It's the leaving Malaysia part which undesirably overwhelms me with the arousal of both apprehension and excitement. Well my attitudes on starting a new life in a new country are pretty much ambivalent; part of me wants to go whereas, the other part of me wants to stay.

Crap man, living on my own would mean doing my own laundry, cooking, managing my monthly expenses, stay disciplined and not get easily tempted and waking up by myself; which unfortunately isn't exactly my forte.

It's now 7:10 am and I have less than 2 more hours to spend with my house of 3 years. I can't believe I am saying this but I am starting to miss it all already; my room, my brother, my sister, my car, my dogs, my everything!

Dunno how I am gonna manage when I am over there... I'm just praying that everything will be alright... Anyway I'm off...need to finish packing!

I broke my golf pro's 3 wood!!

Its been really some time since I last blogged coz I really had to sort out my technique on the violin, do exercises, pieces bla bla bla... Anyway my lessons with my violin teacher, Gosia have been going great; if I may add, better than the previous ones I had months ago! She even told me that I have improved, but need to work harder as I still have obvious problems with my bowing, intonation and etc. Kinda worries me as I believe that I may be the worst violinist in the academy up in Glasgow! I'm gonna be facing intense competition from Hungarians, Poles, Jews, Russians, Americans, Koreans and who knows, Swahilians! Already I'm so edgy about my mini audition that I would have to undertake when I get over there. I just want to make a good impression to my professors and improve! God I would really do anything to improve! Name your price and I will comply except death... Sheesh I've been enthusiastically practicing 6 horus a day for the past 2 weeks; hopefully I can reach the level that Latifah Hamzah is at now...da damn friggin genius!

Anyway after violin, I headed down to the driving range where I had golf lessons with my substitute pro, Bob. He tells me that I have improved tremendously and that I started out really great on my drivers. Here comes the juicy bit: he let me try out his woods and I accidentally hit it behind the security pole, as I was preparing for my back swing!!!!!!! RM700 3 wood! Afterwards, told dad about it and he took it really well...much to my surprise! Couldn't stop apologising to Bob about his club! Poor Bob...he looked as if he were gonna cry when he couldn't hit straight on that club...if I may add, it's a rare limited edition 3 wood he got 2 years ago and they don't sell that shit anymore! WHAT HAVE I DONE?!

Later on, I went to Subang for a haircut and a coffee, seeing as I'm gonna be practicing my ass off on my violin tonight... Already made plans with Meng Heng to go down to KLCC Chinoz for a drink ahh and that would be after having a family dinner at some snazzy Japanese restaurant...as much as I would rather have steak...

God please, and yea, PLEASE help me improve in my violin!! Amen

FUCK MY DRIVER!

Fucking bangala nabo cibai keeps complaining even though he used to be some shit taxi driver probably because he has some problems with his ku ku ciao...no wonder this fucker needs tongkat ali. I fucking hate his face, the way he drives and the way he treats me and my friends. If he's complaining, why didn't he study? Probably too stupid to read books and numbers that scared him like spiders! Fucking lowlife cunt

I am on borrowed time...

I officially have 12 more days to go before I head off to the UK for uni and I tell you, I am as scared as hell! Till recently, I have been sending countless emails to my uni confirming my place there, shopping for winter clothes, learning how to cook, going out with friends and NOT practicing my violin as I should be doing!

Anyway, Saturday night, went out with Brian, Colin, Ayman, Steph, Ian, Greg and all to this fancy new bar I discovered called Frangipani, which happens to be owned by Clement's piano teacher Eddy Chew. Great place to go, especially if you are in the mood for snazzy margaritas but its a tad too pricey.......did I also mention that it is a gay bar?! We spent our time there drinking, chatting, catching up on old times and asking one another the normal but annoyingly pervasive question about where everyone's heading off to for uni.

Waited almost 2 friggin hours for Fatin and Aznal to arrive but killed time drinking and smoking. Before they arrived, met 2 guys who were having a smoke with Eddy at the balcony; Mika and Doug. Respectively, Australian and British who are currently studying in London. Hahaha Fatin thinks that Doug is cute!

After Frangipani, most of us headed to Daryl's house for a few rounds of poker, which if I may add is fucking huuuuugeeee! Being my first time playing poker, I lost like 20 bucks....sigh...

After the game, and still being tipsy from drinking heavily, Fatin drove my car to her place and I headed with Aznal off to his house, where I spent the night. Went out looking for shisha but it was already closing, consider the time being around 5 am!

Lacking the practice

Shit man, as of now, I only have less than 2 hours to practice for my violin lesson! The past week has been spent on going out with friends, partying and staying up late doing nothing and missing out any form of quality practice. Dammit I have to do 5 etudes, a piece by Mozart and another by Bach; lets not forget the orchestral excerps. I am fucking gonna be screwed...

Feeling angry yet guilty...

Psychologists claim that as human beings reach a certain age, conflicts with parents, both mother and father are seemingly inevitable.

It all began today at dinner. Mom had commented on how well I have behaved ever since I came back from my Singapore trip. After she said this, I told her that I have been "extraodinarily" well behaved. My dad, trying to be a smart-arse retorted, "Do you think so?".

Feeling superfluously frustrated due to the fatigue accumulated from the late night pool game with Ayman, sleeping at 4 am, and my party that I had endured last night, I stupidly became angered and vociferously fired back, "I know damn well I have!". Wrong move you fucker!

Feeling unfilial and remorseful, I told him that I was sorry. Having been a jackass to him, he warned me about not having paid for my fees at the conservatory in Glasgow yet and that I should say sorry when I actually cool down. Conspicuously angered by his threats, my dad and I argued relentlessly for at least 10 minutes until my food came; which I aggressively swallowed in like 5 minutes, figuratively speaking. My mom tried to console me but it was no use. I was irrevocably infuriated by my dad being skeptical. I was overwhelmed by smouldering guilt; knowing that I had spoken so rudely to him. I know that potential readers would regard me as being unfilial and ungrateful but I love my dad. He can be so unreasonable sometimes and he sure can be a fucker! But, he's my dad...

I can't really think of anything to write now coz I'm still so fucking pissed off! I'm gonna have a smoke now... Stay tuned.

Emo?

I'm so God damn fucking tired! A day ago, I had spent the midnight practicing with sheer intensity, as I have a mini audition when I arrive at the Academy. I finally got some rest yesterday after almost having a car accident twice on my way to violin lessons in the morning, hanging out with my former classical guitar teacher, attending Clement's early birthday party and driving all the way to KLIA to see Jon Chay off. Hahahaha my guitar teacher and I spent the afternoon having tea at a mamak stall, smoking cigarettes and talking about my encounters with the "self-proclaimed" professional guitar teacher, Mr. Simon Cheong.

Man! Talking about that dispicably arrogant man brings back annoying but funny memories! Hahahaha how pretentious he was, trying to be a smart ass at everything, denouncing other instruments, teachers, and my intelligence. Funny how I never heard him play, coz he didn't wanna wind up looking like the complete ass he was truly designated to be. Probably isn't a very professional performer as he himself claimed to be.

I woke up at around 11am and drove decisively to SS2 with the intention of collecting my results for my Grade 5 classical guitar. After having obtaining my result slip, I headed for a coffee at Coffee Bean, as I was still paradoxically fatigued from not catching any sleep for 37 hours. There, I met Dawn and her mother, who was waiting for her brother and surprisingly buying herself a cup of bubble tea! Hahaha anyway, got her UK number, which kinda reassured me that I would have some company when I finally move there.

A few hours later, most of my cousins, relatives and my dad's friends cheerfully congregated at our house to celebrate the 50th wedding anniversary of my paternal grandparents. I played a wedding march on my violin while the rest of my cousins showered my grandparents with gifts.

To commemorate my farewell, my aunts and grandparents gave me a bottle of Ralph Lauren Blue and a 300 ringgit angpau! Hahahaha drinks anyone?

Later, my cousins and I had a drink at a mamak stall where they could tell that I was conspicuously tired. Actually, I was pondering on what the effect of moving to the UK by myself would have on my life.

After the drink, my cousin Ken Li and I sat down to talk. We talked about how emo and reclusive I was back in Taylor's College, my problems with my previous crushes and shit that we went through throughout our teen years. Thanks again for the talk! =) Great to talk to someone that cares, even though she did unintentionally ignore me when I was trying ot tell or ask her something when we were having family events or on MSN.

Still pondering on my retrospective mishaps, I had a fag outside my house and called Faisal and Jit to discuss my problems. It's like when you talk to them, you feel as if you have a certain calibre of control over your life, which felt great! Hopefully I would adopt this demeanor when I'm finally settled and studying in Glasgow.

As of now, I have to be more sanguine and stop smoking, even though I do not do it on a regular basis!